Thank you Corie. I haven’t been able to feel truly at home in a church family since I moved to the US. The culture is just so different and I just want to sit with Jesus under a tree without all the other “stuff” that causes so much hurt and disappointment. I find the most authentic community within my recovery groups now. Nothing is perfect but at least I’ve finally found people who are real about where they are in their journey. No pretense, no masks, no pretending. Just healing together in all its messy beauty. ❤️
As someone who’s husband recently joined the military after we were already married with a child, I must say that churches are the worse around military communities. My husband and I are shocked. We believe we’ve found the best in our area, but it’s not the godly community and sound preaching we’re used to. I think your post is spot on, but mostly in big cities and military communities. I would love to hear your experience if you ever get to try church far from a military town. ❤️
I want to tell you that it is only in local communities, but over the years we have driven as far as an hour away to find something healthy. I won't tell you what is right for you and your family, but this is where I am during this season. Thanks for reading!
Oh I agree. I don’t mean that you need to just drive farther. Our experience has only been better far, far away from a military base. Like a days drive.
Yes! This is SO well said! I believe we can continue to learn and grow and leave behind the people and institutions that are not moving forward and loving all the people God created. I agree that breaking the “ I should and I better…” there are voices that are not serving God or growing the message of love and acceptance - like a pretty lobby of a hotel - all for show and behind closed doors, the rooms are dirty.
Absolutely feel this! Since moving to our current duty station, I've spent a HUGE amount of time grieving the sense that I don't belong in the church anymore... mostly because the church is so different. And yes, I am, too, but heartbreakingly, the church isn't a place I WANT my kids to go and be influenced. I am grieving that loss and this shift, but I am also so grateful more and more of us are talking about it because it helps! Also if you haven't encountered it, Sarah Bessey's Fieldnotes for the Wilderness was lovely. It is more specifically addressing deconstruction but it's not prescriptive and is very much worth a read.
As a Christian, I grew tired of going to Sunday services to be told how bad I am, in order for them to tell me how good God is. Negative reinforcement like that didn’t have the intended effect, or lead me to hope.
I don’t tell my children each week how awful they are only to be able to remind them how much I love them and how they could never do anything to make me love them less. That’s never motivated them. That’s never made them feel more loved. If anything, an approach like that fuels excessive guilt and drives them further from a safe and sacred relationship with me.
Hi Corie, this is Brandon, Aidan’s old Wyldlife leader from Sutherland. I saw your article on linked in and read it. I’m really sorry that’s been your experience with church. Just wanted to reach out and let you know that I was very glad to read that your kids are still strong in their faith! That was encouraging to me.
Brandon!!! Thank you for reaching out! Please know, that experience we had with you (while brief) was the best experience and a beginning of what we longed for after. You got to know Aidan and really invested in him- right when he needed someone to really “see him”. We have struggled ever since to find something similar. Thank you for investing in the next generation.
We took a time awhile ago to step away from church and it finally made sense what my husband was telling me years ago when he deployed. He never connected to our churches around our duty stations and it seemed strange to him compared to seeing the Eastern Orthodox priest who came for Liturgy at his base and feeling community there.
It is sometimes needed to step away and see where God is leading you from there.
I'm with you, Corie. Long ago (I'm 76), I concluded that organized religion does far more harm than good. While generally proclaiming how we all should live, all too often, those who preach, and those who listen to those who preach, walk out of religious services doing much the opposite. You don't need an intermediator teaching you about God, Allah, Budha, etc., and the difference between right and wrong. It's like breathing; you know. For those who choose to attend church, good for you. But do so doing what is right, rejecting what isn't. Put aside your thinly veiled bigoted, racist, sexist, judgmental opinions, don't just try to hide them. If you support others, politicians in particular, who say and do things that are clearly hateful, you are no better than them. If you can't do that, add "self-proclaimed" to whatever religious label you want to identify as being. You are not whatever that is.
Thank you for your transparency in sharing this. I've spent a lot of time feeling like something was wrong with me for not being able to find a church home that felt right for my family. I'm still shedding a few tears after your sentiments have reminded me that I can still work to be the hands and feet of a church body outside of traditional church buildings.
Thank you Corie. I haven’t been able to feel truly at home in a church family since I moved to the US. The culture is just so different and I just want to sit with Jesus under a tree without all the other “stuff” that causes so much hurt and disappointment. I find the most authentic community within my recovery groups now. Nothing is perfect but at least I’ve finally found people who are real about where they are in their journey. No pretense, no masks, no pretending. Just healing together in all its messy beauty. ❤️
As someone who’s husband recently joined the military after we were already married with a child, I must say that churches are the worse around military communities. My husband and I are shocked. We believe we’ve found the best in our area, but it’s not the godly community and sound preaching we’re used to. I think your post is spot on, but mostly in big cities and military communities. I would love to hear your experience if you ever get to try church far from a military town. ❤️
I want to tell you that it is only in local communities, but over the years we have driven as far as an hour away to find something healthy. I won't tell you what is right for you and your family, but this is where I am during this season. Thanks for reading!
Oh I agree. I don’t mean that you need to just drive farther. Our experience has only been better far, far away from a military base. Like a days drive.
Yes! This is SO well said! I believe we can continue to learn and grow and leave behind the people and institutions that are not moving forward and loving all the people God created. I agree that breaking the “ I should and I better…” there are voices that are not serving God or growing the message of love and acceptance - like a pretty lobby of a hotel - all for show and behind closed doors, the rooms are dirty.
Absolutely feel this! Since moving to our current duty station, I've spent a HUGE amount of time grieving the sense that I don't belong in the church anymore... mostly because the church is so different. And yes, I am, too, but heartbreakingly, the church isn't a place I WANT my kids to go and be influenced. I am grieving that loss and this shift, but I am also so grateful more and more of us are talking about it because it helps! Also if you haven't encountered it, Sarah Bessey's Fieldnotes for the Wilderness was lovely. It is more specifically addressing deconstruction but it's not prescriptive and is very much worth a read.
As a Christian, I grew tired of going to Sunday services to be told how bad I am, in order for them to tell me how good God is. Negative reinforcement like that didn’t have the intended effect, or lead me to hope.
I don’t tell my children each week how awful they are only to be able to remind them how much I love them and how they could never do anything to make me love them less. That’s never motivated them. That’s never made them feel more loved. If anything, an approach like that fuels excessive guilt and drives them further from a safe and sacred relationship with me.
Hi Corie, this is Brandon, Aidan’s old Wyldlife leader from Sutherland. I saw your article on linked in and read it. I’m really sorry that’s been your experience with church. Just wanted to reach out and let you know that I was very glad to read that your kids are still strong in their faith! That was encouraging to me.
Brandon!!! Thank you for reaching out! Please know, that experience we had with you (while brief) was the best experience and a beginning of what we longed for after. You got to know Aidan and really invested in him- right when he needed someone to really “see him”. We have struggled ever since to find something similar. Thank you for investing in the next generation.
Corie, my prayers are with you and your family.
We took a time awhile ago to step away from church and it finally made sense what my husband was telling me years ago when he deployed. He never connected to our churches around our duty stations and it seemed strange to him compared to seeing the Eastern Orthodox priest who came for Liturgy at his base and feeling community there.
It is sometimes needed to step away and see where God is leading you from there.
I'm with you, Corie. Long ago (I'm 76), I concluded that organized religion does far more harm than good. While generally proclaiming how we all should live, all too often, those who preach, and those who listen to those who preach, walk out of religious services doing much the opposite. You don't need an intermediator teaching you about God, Allah, Budha, etc., and the difference between right and wrong. It's like breathing; you know. For those who choose to attend church, good for you. But do so doing what is right, rejecting what isn't. Put aside your thinly veiled bigoted, racist, sexist, judgmental opinions, don't just try to hide them. If you support others, politicians in particular, who say and do things that are clearly hateful, you are no better than them. If you can't do that, add "self-proclaimed" to whatever religious label you want to identify as being. You are not whatever that is.
Thank you for your transparency in sharing this. I've spent a lot of time feeling like something was wrong with me for not being able to find a church home that felt right for my family. I'm still shedding a few tears after your sentiments have reminded me that I can still work to be the hands and feet of a church body outside of traditional church buildings.