#6 Rebuilding Trust in a Distrusting Culture
How to lead with transparency when trust feels fragile.
"True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing."
— Desmond Tutu
After the collapse of apartheid in South Africa, the country was fractured by trauma, betrayal, and bitterness. Instead of turning toward revenge, Desmond Tutu led the Truth and Reconciliation Commission—a process grounded in honesty, confession, and courageous repair.
Tutu knew that trust could not be demanded. It could only be rebuilt.
And it wouldn’t happen through systems or slogans. It would require human beings sitting across from each other, telling the truth.
There were tears. There was resistance. There was fear.
But there was also something else: transparency.
A kind of leadership that says, “We will not pretend. We will not move forward by avoiding what broke us.”
And that’s what trust requires in any culture—whether on a national stage or in a unit, a command, a marriage, or a team.
Right now, many leaders are asking themselves:
How do I lead when trust has already been frayed?
How do I speak truth without losing credibility?
How do I earn trust back when I’ve inherited distrust?
Maybe you’re feeling that tension yourself.
Maybe the people you lead seem guarded, skeptical, or quiet.
Maybe you're walking into rooms where silence speaks louder than agreement.
Or maybe… you’re the one feeling mistrustful, but still trying to show up well.
You’re not alone. And you’re not failing.
You’re simply leading in a culture where trust has been traded too often for performance, silence, or toeing the company line.
“Honoring relationships—even in business—means valuing the relationship as worthy of repair... If we wish to keep the relationship, we must pursue the other party and work toward repair.”
— Military Culture Shift
Repair requires initiative.
It doesn’t demand perfection. It demands pursuit.
It says: this relationship is worth the work.
Three Ways to Lead with Transparency When Trust Is Fragile
Say what’s true—even if it’s incomplete.
People can smell half-truths. Be clear about what you know, what you don’t, and what you’re still trying to figure out. That kind of honesty builds credibility.Make relational deposits before you ask for emotional withdrawal.
Trust is a slow accumulation. Invest first—listen more, ask questions, show up consistently. Then, when hard moments come, there’s something real to draw on.Name the breakdown without assigning all the blame.
“I know things haven’t felt steady.” or “I realize communication has been off.” goes further than defensive silence. Trust isn’t rebuilt through control—it’s rebuilt through connection.
You Don’t Have to Fix Everything—But You Do Have to Go First
If you’ve inherited distrust—because of rank, a previous leader, or a broken system—you don’t have to carry the guilt of what wasn’t yours.
But you do carry the responsibility to repair what you can.
And if you’ve broken trust yourself (intentionally or not), the most healing thing you can do is acknowledge it and move toward repair.
Trust doesn’t return through authority.
It returns through humility, consistency, and truth-telling.
You’re already doing more of that than you think.
Journaling Prompt
Each post invites you to pause, breathe, and reflect. There is no replacement for self-reflection and critical thinking. It is how great leaders are made. Consider commenting with your answer…
“Where do I feel the weight of broken trust right now?”
In what relationship or environment?
Have I owned what I need to own?
What would it look like to take one step toward repair?
Then finish this sentence:
“I want to lead like someone who __________, even when trust feels fragile.”
Anonymous reflection
This is an opportunity to provide your thoughts in an anonymous, private place, and helps me know what topics leaders like you might be interested in. Please consider answering a few short questions as your “call to action”.
Let’s name what leaders are experiencing when they choose servant leadership…
Final Word
Desmond Tutu didn’t rebuild a country by demanding allegiance.
He rebuilt it by creating space for truth. For repair. For real leadership that pursued relationship.
So can you.
Whether you’re building trust in your command, your home, or just within yourself—you’re doing sacred work. Slow work. Brave work.
You are a good human.
Read other entries from the Good Humans Under Great Pressure Series:
5: Servant Leadership Isn’t Passive. It’s Fierce.
Why leading with empathy takes more strength than compliance ever will.4: Integrity Under Fire – How to Stay Rooted When Values Are Tested
Because the mission matters, but so do the means.3: Control or Stewardship – The Hidden Choice in Every Decision
What happens when influence is confused with domination.2: When the Weight Is Heavy – The Quiet Toll of Leading Well
How to endure moral fatigue and still lead with heart.New Series: Good Humans Under Great Pressure (#1): A newsletter series for military and family leaders navigating rapid cultural shifts, institutional strain, and the weight of responsibility.